Passion of a bleeding rose: Rough cut

Here is the rough cut for passion of a bleeding rose short film, of which me and my film crew have created.  I posted the film on social networking site Facebook, and asked for feedback as well as the feedback given from Mr Hood and various other people.

• Is the Binary Production ident best placed in the top left corner of the screen? Great ident though.
• After ident, music starts a little abruptly.
• Love the style of the titles, but I would like to see them fade or cross-fade rather than 'snap' shut. That would maintain the romantic feel of the titles and the romantic pace I think.
• Good choice of font for the titles; very floristy (is that even a word?)
• I didn't have time to read all of the individual titles; they go too quick. I know you are over on time, but you need to consider this (you may decide to dismiss this observation, but at least consider it).
• Camera isn't steady on the clock shot.
• Out of focus POV shot works well, but I think it needs to come into focus sooner. Perhaps accompany the out of focus stuff with a yawn so the meaning is clear to the viewer.
• Camera moves a little between the 'getting dressed' jump shots. Watch the mirror frame! Find some real examples in real films of this effect and research it.
• Good MOA as Adam leaves the bathroom.
• Chopping of music and OTT breathing effect doesn't work at 1.54. Easily solved.
• Who kicks the tripod just as Adam opens the bedroom door?
• Also, the changes in colour between the 'sleeping mom' shot and 'door opening' shot are a little distracting (sleeping mom looks like night vision lens).
• Kitchen scene a little too dark maybe. Camera struggling to focus.
• Ambient sound 'kicks' in at 2.42.
• Adam blocks mom's dialogue at 2.48. Perhaps an angle change was required (perhaps a close-up of mom's face when saying the dialogue).
• Unrealistic footsteps at 3.03; out of time with Adam's movement.
• Why is he still walking on gravel when first arriving at work? And why don't the footsteps fade as he moves away from the camera (the viewer)?
• Window and computer shots are out of focus. Are they meant to be? If so, why?
• Great shot at 3.48; the camera is the computer monitor!
• Love the zoom into the phone picture; very moving.
• Very professional crane shot of mom in the garden. Shame about the 'judder' at the end!
• Watch for changes in ambient sound when you change angle (for example, at 4.18).
• Dodgy lighting when looking up at mom picking the flower. You need to light from below to prevent her being in shadow. Contrasts too much with other shots in the scene.
• Better lighting at 4.36 (still shot from below though). Did the sun go in or something?
• Maybe we need some music or sound effect during the 'collapsing scene'. Something to represent the approaching doom of a near-death experience?
• Camera knock at 4.46 when mom collapses. Not deliberate is it?
• I think you need to show Adam finding mom collapsed so that the narrative makes complete sense. Then you can show him smelling and tossing the rose. (Don't know how this helps with the time issues though; you're already over time).
• Sudden ambient sound change at 5.41 is really distracting.
• Focussing issues at around 5.52.
• Love the freeze frame at the end. Shame it's so dark though.
• What about the credits?
• I think your issues here are to do with lighting and sound. Is it vital that these scenes are at night? Would they not work just as well in the daytime? That would solve many of your issues. Sound issues can be sorted with overdubs (including ambient sound). Also, some focussing issues connected to lighting. One of two shots require a more steady hand or the use of a tripod.
• I think a re-edit, with some rearranging of scenes/shots, would allow you to present the same story in less time. Would also give you plenty to evaluate!
• Some excellent stuff here, but occasional basic errors (including the fact there are no credits, lighting issues and it is significantly over the time limit) means that you will be slaughtered on the marking. Consequently, I'm not going to suggest a mark for the film in its current form; how would that be helpful? I'm going to wait until you've turned this highly creative idea and rough cut into a masterpiece!
• Seriously, you have the ingredients for a top film here, but you need to be more 'fussy' in the execution of the camerawork.

We will address these issues immediately when we create our final cut. I found the rough cut an important part of the process of filming because it allows room for improvement during the final film creation process.

The filming process

Here I have commented on the filming process, keeping track of our film construction process.

19/01/2012- Everyone present bar Sam Beckett.
Based upon a rough shooting schedule we decided to film the outdoor shots, with Rose's death. For this we needed the camera crane, and due to some set-up issues we were delayed 30 mins.We then began to shoot establishing shots and basic crane shots, we had to immediately re-shoot certain clips because of judder and shaky camera. However we persevered and managed to complete the shooting by 5:30. We also had some high angle and low angle shots, and thanks to my mum's acting we had excellent scene.

21/01/2012- Only myself present.
Only a few shots were taken today, due to lack of equipment, and crew. However we managed to film several bits and pieces, a low angle shot, high angle, shot reverse shot and tracking dolly shot. Filming finished at 11:00am.

1/02/2012- Everyone present bar Demi Alcock.
I set up the scene placing a chair, desk, laptop and whiteboard to make it look like an office. We did several panning shots, however problems with the camera focusing  delayed us by 10 minuets. We chose to do an interesting camera shot of Adam looking at his computer but from the computers perspective. The entire shoot took 2 hours. The main problems we faced were focusing issues and continuity issues, we resolved these by sitting down addressing the camera problems and sorting them out, and we had to re-shoot some of the clips to avoid continuity errors.

7/02/2012- Only Tom Fisher and myself present.
We used the Ramada hotel for the walking to work shots, this was relatively easy panning and no problems arose, we completed it in 2 takes. The next area to shoot was at my house. We obeyed the shooting schedule and started in the bedroom, Chris waking up scene. I come up with idea of blurring the lens by going slightly out of focus, to show Chris being tired. We then continued to shoot in the bathroom, with an interesting mirror shot, which was hard to shoot but eventually after several takes we got a perfect clip of Chris getting changed without any continuity issues or similar problems, we finished at around 6:00pm.

Passion of a bleeding rose animatic

An animatic is required and key to the filming process, here is ours, it will allow us to remind ourselves if anything we have missed during film, it is an animated rough of our film, in major blockbusters it is a fully animated sequence and contains the basic music of the film SFX, e.t.c.


Our contains the storyboard without description cut and chopped into a final sequence using final cut.

Storyboard for passion of a bleeding rose

This is our storyboard for our film, it will help give us an idea what scenes will ideally look like, what shots will be used, frame positioning and gives us an overview document during filming. Although it is not closely followed it does give us a rough guide on what shot is when and what we will have to during the filming of that shot.
Binary Productions Storyboard

Final script for passion of a bleeding rose

Although our film is a short and a trend for a short isn't to contain much dialogue, however challenging this convention was an interesting idea and thought that it provides a storyline with depth and a better more easily focussed plot to our target audience.
Script POBR